Summer Shudder
by high off of strawberry pocky12
Summary: Ritsuka new that if Seimei ever returned to his life, Soubi would crawl back to him leaving Ritsuka to hurt." Ritsuka is now sixteen and he was STILL in love with the Beloved fighter. RXS. Occ a little. R&R please, feedback is welcome. Flames not so much


_**Hummmn. Hello there, it's me Chi-chan or Hoosp. Ano, this is my first loveless fan fic. I probably have them all so OCC, but it's not my fault; loveless is not my forte. Im a Gravitation writer... But it seems that lately, my writers block would not allow gravi fics out of my brain. I promess I've got PLENTY of them... But it did let me write this.**_

**_I'm not so happy with this fic, maybe it's the OCCness of doom, or maybe its all the spelling and gramatical errors. Who knows, you'll just have to forgive me for them :D._**

**_Lets see im forgeting something... OH yes. This is a "song fic" but suprisinglly the story really didn't fit the song... I could have writen it with out the lyrics in it. But it's the song that brought the story to my head soooo yeah it gets some credit :D_**

**_One more thing before I leave you alone._**

**_I do NOT own loveless, If I did then we should all be worried._**

**_The song is Summer Shudder by AFI, I don't own it or the band either...damn._**

_**Listen when I say, when I say it's real.**_

_**Real life goes undefined;**_

_**Why must you be so miss able?**_

_**Everything you take; makes it more unreal**_

_**Real lies are undefined, how can this be so miserable.**_

He should hate him, he should hate him, he should hate him and everything he's said; everything he stood for. Everything! 

But he can't, he can't hate him; he can't hate Soubi Agatsuma. He knew; he knew very well that this day might come; this day he would be pushed aside to make room for him.

Him the only one Soubi would ever really love; the one that had always held the blonde man's heart.

Seimei Aoyagi, his older brother. 

Ritsuka knew that if Seimei ever returned to his life, Soubi would crawl back to him leaving Ritsuka to hurt.

_Why?_

Why did he have to fall in love with Soubi? 

Everything would have been a whole lot better if Seimei never ordered Soubi to love him.

Ritsuka cringed; he loved Soubi with all of his heart, his mind, his soul. He spent countless nights over the past years, hoping, dreaming, wishing; that the blonde would someday truly love him. 

'_Suki dai yo…' _

Sure the blonde said that repeatedly to him, but he never meant it; all it was to the blonde was just an order. Soubi never loved Ritsuka, though he repeated it many times to the boy, he never meant it, it was just an order. An order from his brother. 

Ritsuka was never sure why his brother ordered Soubi to love him. It always puzzled him. 

Loveless; one without love; his "given" name. 

Was his brother really thinking of him when he ordered Soubi to love him? Was it the fact he did not want his little brother to go through life unloved? If that was the case, he should hate Seimei more than he did. 

Ritsuka would have rather gone through life not knowing truly what love was like, than to feel this pain; this pain he knew would never go away.

Also if that was the reason for his brother's order; why did he come back? _Why?_

_**Under the summer rain, I burnt away.**_

_**Under the summer rain, (burn) you turned away.**_

It was a depressing day really; the day Seimei returned and Soubi walked away. It was a warm summer day, well night. He and Soubi had just finished a fight; standing under a street light the warm rain started to fall slowly. At first they couldn't hear the light clapping of hands and the slowly steady footsteps that approached them. 

But Soubi, he got really tense and slowly turned around. Ritsuka stopped walking and turned to see why Soubi had stopped; behind them only a few feet away was Seimei.

Ritsuka wasn't sure if he should have been happy, scared, or slightly pissed. "Soubi…" he had softly called out to the fighter. Said man turned a little so he was slightly facing the younger of the Aoyagi brothers.

Seimei smiled, "good job back there; I'm glad to see you haven't lost your touch." Soubi's body never moved an inch, but he snapped his head to look at the other. 

It was quite for such a long time, the only sound was the sound of the light rain that fell to the ground and everything else around the three.

Seimei finally after what seemed like an eternity turned his gaze over to Ritsuka; he smiled, "thank you Ritsuka-kun for taking care of my fighter. But I'll be taking him back now." Ritsuka started shaking his head in protest every once in awhile letting out a soft no.

Seimei sighed and reverted his gaze back to Soubi, "come on Soubi, let's go." Ritsuka called out in protest, "Soubi, please…" Soubi looked at Ritsuka with cold hard eyes; tears were now falling freely down Ritsuka's face. Soubi closed his eyes and sighed, "gomen Ritsuka…" he said be for turning completely away from the younger boy. 

Soubi took a few steps away towards Seimei before looking back at the crying boy, "suki dai yo Ritsuka-kun." 

_**Listen I can't make, make a sound or feel.**_

_**Feel fine, I kissed the lies, why must they be so kissable?**_

_**Listen as I break; break the fourth wall's seal.**_

_**Gorgeous eyes shine suicide, when will we be invisible?**_

Ritsuka plopped down on his bed sighing; it had been three years sense then, and he STILL couldn't get over Soubi.

The now sixteen year old cat boy closed his eyes to find pictures of a plastic forced smile and cold broken eyes. He truly wanted to fix Soubi; ever sense the day they all went to china town. Kio, Soubi's blonde friend with many piercings in his ear, had said that after Seimei died, Soubi became like a zombie. But he, Ritsuka, was bringing the life back to the man.

There was a quite knock on his bed room door, "who is it?" Ritsuka asked softly but loud enough for the other to hear. "It's me Seimei, can I come in." Ritsuka didn't really want to talk to his brother; he never did at times like this. 

He thought that after Seimei came back his mother would stop beating him, but three years after she still beat him when she felt the need. She had gotten her Seimei back, but she still wanted her Ritsuka back. 

Three years ago on these types of nights, Ritsuka would have called Soubi, or Soubi would have showed up just knowing that something was not right. But that never happened; instead, Ritsuka retired to his room and thought about the blonde man; the blonde man he hadn't seen in ages; the blonde man his brother took away from him.

Seimei knocked on the door again, "can I please Ritsuka?" 

Ritsuka sighed, "no go away." He wished his brother would leave, but he never did; instead he opened the door and entered Ritsuka's room taking a seat next to the boy on his bed. 

Seimei sighed, "I wish I was there to stop it." Ritsuka wanted to scream, would he have stopped it; he doubted it. He already caused the boy the greatest pain by taking away Soubi, so why stop the pain there mother inflicted on him. He wanted to shout these thoughts, but he shrugged them off and turned away from his brother. "Whatever." He said in a cold mean tone; "come on now Ritsuka, you're usually not this cold to me." 

Ritsuka shot up glaring at his older brother ignoring the pain in his chest and ribcage. "I'm not?" Seimei's eyes held amusement, "I've always been cold to you Seimei…" Seimei sighed, "not always, back when you were little you were…" Ritsuka cut him off, "that was back when I was little, that was back when I was happy, and that was back before you hurt me!" Ritsuka yelled in spite of his sore throat.

Seimei sighed closing his eyes, "will you ever forgive me?" 

"No." 

"Why?"

Ritsuka paused before narrowing his eyes, "you left me all alone with that woman, you forced _HIM_ to love me, and once I started to fall in love with him you came back out of the blue and wretched him from me. Why should I forgive you…" tears were now freely flowing down Ritsuka's face, "why should I forgive you when you have the one thing, the one person I really want." 

"I'm sorry Ritsuka…"

"Whatever just get out." 

Ritsuka buried his face in his pillow not breathing until he heard hid door shut signaling that Seimei had left. 

_**Under the summer rain, I burnt away.**_

_**Under the summer rain, (burn) we burned away.**_

_**Under the summer rain, I burnt away.**_

_**Under the summer rain, (burn) you turned away.**_

Ritsuka didn't really WANT to hate his brother, but he couldn't help it. The man just pissed him off so much. He left his life when he was ten, then three years later he barges back into his life and expects everything to be hunky dory.

But it wasn't; Ritsuka had scares on his body, heart, and mind that nobody his age should have. He could no longer eat dinner with his family in fear he might infuriate his mother. He could no longer ware short sleeve shirts because of all the scars. He could no longer love, because his heart belonged to somebody who would never love him back. 

_**This is the fall; this is the long way down.**_

_**And our lives look smaller now, our lives look so small.**_

_**(Leave me here crying.)**_

_**This is the fall; this is the long way down.**_

_**And our lives look smaller now; our lives look so small…**_

There was a light tap on his window, Ritsuka looked up. "Soubi…" The name sounded so forlorn coming from him. He stood up and limped his way over to the sliding glass doors to his balcony. He opened them, "Soubi, what are you doing…" Soubi walked in and shut the door behind him. "Ritsuka are you ok?" 

Ritsuka looked down not wanting to make eye contact with the older male. "I'm fine Soubi, why are you hear?" Soubi grabbed Ritsuka's hand and led him to his bed, "that's not important, you are hurt now tell me ware." 

Ritsuka snatched his hand away from the blondes, "I said I was fine." Ritsuka shifted his gaze up to the cold blue eyes of other, he tried to read what was going on in the blondes head, but his eyes held indifference. "Ritsuka let me help."

A cat like hiss emitted from the boy's throat, "why should I?"

"Because I love you…"

Ritsuka glared, "stop, you don't love me. Seimei ordered you to say that, he probably ordered you to come here didn't he?" Soubi sat in silence, "answer me Soubi, he ordered you here didn't he?" Soubi slowly nodded, "yes he did…" 

"You're despicable…" Ritsuka spat; he hated being mean to the blonde, but to play such tricks on his heart, that was unacceptable. 

"Ritsuka I…"

"Don't," Ritsuka cut him off, "get out…" 

Soubi sighed, "I cannot."

"Why, Seimei told you not to?" 

Soubi nodded, "I cannot leave until I know what is wrong with you and help you." Ritsuka glared, "fine, if you won't leave, I will."

Soubi grabbed onto the boy's wrist before he fled his own room, "Ritsuka please, just let me help." Ritsuka jerked his arm away hurting the secret self inflicted cuts on his wrist. He cringed slightly due to the pain, "don't touch me."

Ritsuka ran out of his room, past his brother, down the stairs, past his mother, and out the front door somehow grabbing his shoes and jacket on the way. And he kept running, and running, and running until he couldn't run anymore. He ended up at a park, he scoffed, how cliché, it was the same park he and Soubi and gone two when they first met.

He sat down on the familiar picnic table bench and sighed, this was getting way too much for him to handle. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his box cutter; he started to carry it around with him three years ago when he discovered that by inflicting wounds to himself the pain in his heart disappeared. 

He pushed the blade up out of the holder, he examined it. It was cold, hard, lifeless, stained with a little blood; much like himself. He rolled up his sleeves staring at the little red scars on his arms the mocked him with years of pain. He lifted the blade to his wrist, the metal felt cold against his skin sending shivers of familiar pleasure up his spin. He pressed down slightly hissing as the edge of the blade dug into his skin. He pulled the blade across the length of his wrist leaving a small cut.

The cut wasn't deep enough to take away the boy's life, but it was deep enough to let out a good stream of blood. Ritsuka smiled watching the little stream of blood run down is arm into a little puddle by his shoe. He raised the blade again and made another cut, but this time deeper than the first. He made another, and another, and another, each one deeper than the previous one.

"Ritsuka!" Someone gasped, Ritsuka dropped the box cutter startled by the sudden voice.

_**Under the summer rain, I burnt away.**_

_**Under the summer rain, (burn) we burnt away.**_

Soubi quickly walked up to the boy and grabbed his wrist, being careful of the cuts that lined the skin. "Why Ritsuka." Ritsuka scoffed, "why should I tell you?"

"Because I care!"

"Do you really? Do you really care, or did Seimei order you to care." Soubi sighed, "he did not order me to care about you Ritsuka. He did order me to take care of you, and to tell you that I love you. But he did not order me to care about you." Ritsuka tried to hold back a sob, but it somehow escaped his lips anyway. "Did Seimei order you to say that?" Soubi grabbed the boy's chin gently forcing the boy to look up at him. "He did not, and don't say otherwise." Ritsuka's gaze fell back down to the ground as Soubi let go of his chin and grabbed his arm again.

He started to dress Ritsuka's cuts, "why Soubi why?"

"Why what?" The man asked not looking up at the boy's eyes.

"Why do you do this to me?" 

"Do what?" 

"This! Why are you so nice to me, Why did you make me fall in love with you." 

Soubi's breath hitched in his throat, he looked up at the boy's sad amethyst eyes, "did you say you loved me?" Ritsuka nodded tears streaming down his face, "I still do Soubi and you make things so hard on me." Soubi enveloped the boy in a bone crushing embrace, "I've waited so long for you to hear those words from you, I love you too Ritsuka."

Ritsuka started to sob harder, "this is like some bad dream, you don't really love me Soubi." Soubi once again lifted the boy's face, but this time he planted a soft kiss on the others lips. Ritsuka still crying wrapped his arms around the others neck and kissed him back. Soubi wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's waist and pulled Ritsuka close to him, he ran his tongue along Ritsuka's bottom lip asking for permission to deepen the kiss. Ritsuka restrained a sob opening his mouth to permit Soubi to deepen the kiss.

The broke apart each taking in small gasps of air; Soubi rested his four head against Ritsuka's and smiled. "Won't Seimei disapprove of this?" The younger one asked the older, Soubi sighed, "who knows but it doesn't matter." Ritsuka pulled away and looked at the Beloved fighter, "but he is you're sacrifice…" Soubi smiled, "and that's all he is."

_**Under the summer rain, I burnt away.**_

_**Under the summer rain, (burn) we burnt away.**_

Ritsuka entered his house the next day to find Seimei sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. 

His head shot up at the sound of the front door shutting, "Ritsuka-kun is that you?"

Ritsuka walked into the living room and sat down next to his brother, he turned his head and looked at him. "Seimei, we need to talk."

Seimei chuckled, "I already know, good job kid."

Ritsuka was confused; "what do you mean 'you already know?" Seimei smiled, "I was waiting for you to steal Soubi away, and I was ready to give him to you. Not as a fighter, but as a lover." Ritsuka's brows knitted together in confusion, "aren't you going to disapprove?" Seimei chuckled again, "why keep you two away from each other; you were in pain, and Soubi clearly deserves someone who truly loves him. His heart no longer belongs to me, that and our connection, it's fading. I didn't even know that could happen. But little brother, be good to him; and if he hurts you, I'll kick his ass." 

Ritsuka smiled and glomped his older brother. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Seimei."

"Ok, ok, enough with the mushy crap get off of me." 

Ritsuka smiled, for once in three years, he didn't feel like he hated his brother; at that moment he saw the sun shine through the dark clouds that clouded his heart."Oh and Ritsuka-Chan, no more sharp objects for you."

Ritsuka froze, "h..how?"

"Soubi."

"I knew it!" 

_**Under the summer rain, (burn) I burnt away.**_

_**Under the summer rain, (burn) you turned away…**_

"Mate Soubi!" Ritsuka called after the blonde man. Soubi had, for the first time in three years, came to Ritsuka's school to pick him up. Yuiko was excited to see him and wouldn't shut up thus making Soubi start to walk away. Ritsuka jogged up to the man an intertwined their arms, "that was rude Soubi."

"Gomen Ritsuka."

Ritsuka rolled his eyes and turned to look back at the slightly confused Yuiko, "gomen Yuiko for Soubi's stupidity, I'll see you tomorrow." Yuiko smiled and waved at her friend good bye, she hadn't cared that Soubi was being mean. She was just happy that Ritsuka was looking so much happier.

Ritsuka smiled still latched onto the older man's arm, "ne Soubi, what do you want to do today?" Soubi looked down at the younger boy, "I don't know, anything you want to do will be fine." Ritsuka pouted, "Soubi I all ways pick what to do." Soubi chuckled, Ritsuka was being quite adorable at that moment, "Ritsuka you're so cute."

Ritsuka rolled his eyes. Same old Soubi, "come on Soubi there has to be SOMETHING you want to do." Soubi snuck his arms around Ritsuka's waist, he bit the cute furry black ears on top of the boy's head. "There is SOMETHING I want to do." He whispered hotly into the boy's human ear. 

Ritsuka blushed and wiggled his way out of the embrace with much difficulty. "Soubi! You're such a pervert! Can't you think of something less sexual to do?" Soubi chuckled and intertwined their fingers, "how about we get some ice cream?" Ritsuka nodded agreeing with THAT idea.

They walked off chatting lightly with their hands intertwined. 

Loveless… for some odd reason, Ritsuka felt as if that name didn't really fit him. Because he was most defiantly loved.

"You know Ritsuka… I'm still planning on taking your ears."

"SOUBI!"

**_FIN._**

* * *

**_Hummmn. I'm still not happy with it. Oh well. It's kind of funny, this story was orginaly going to have a sad ending. But I guess my fluff lover side came out...damn... _**

**_Ano, gomen ne for all the errors, haha._**

**_Lets see._**

**_Translations to some of the japanese._**

**_Suki Dai yo: I'm not sure if I spelt this right even remotly sooo but it means "I love you." But it you didn't know that, then obviously you haven't watched this anime enough._**

**_Gomen/ Gomen ne/ Gomen nesai: If you don't know this your stupid. It means I'm sorry, or sorry._**

**_Mate: It's pronounced Ma-ta, it means wait, or hold on._**

**_hummn. I'm sorry again for the OCCness, im not good at loveless yet. And I just didn't have the heart to make Seimei a truely mean person... I don't know why._**

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